This is how I feel. Always being told that I'm worthless, useless, and dumb just because I have autism. No energy to do most things. Sometimes I wish I wasn't around but I know that there's people out there who love my writing and art so I continue to keep going no matter how broken I get. It might be so painful to lose my favourite people but I am still here surviving 

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall

Sometimes, I sit alone and wonder if anyone even notices I’m here, if anyone ever thinks about me the way I think about them.

I think about writing it all down, pouring everything out, but what’s the point. No one would read it. No one would care. I could disappear tomorrow, and I wonder if anyone would even notice. It’s like I’m already gone, just a memory that no one bothered to make.

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall

Why talk to anyone? I don't want to cause I'm afraid to be invalidated. What people don't know is that I've already heard enough from toxic people. I've already been told that my problems are nothing compared to those of other people. I've already been told that it's just in my head. That what I feel is not even a big deal because some people are going through the same thing. You see, some people are secretly dying inside, but they still continue to hide it because not everyone will understand them. You can't really blame those people who chose to keep their feelings to themselves because I know somehow that they've tried to talk about their feelings to someone, yet some people made them feel like their feelings were so unimportant. 

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall

People say, “Just let go of the past”  

How can I? 

How can someone easily forget those moments that they dont desrve?  

You cannot just erase the ink,   

the deep wounds left by moments   

that steal my joy and happiness,   

so how do you draw a line   

between past and present,   

when the past holds me back.

Letting go is not easy   

it isn’t forgetting  

So, when you say,   

“Just let go of your past,”   

I hear you but it feels impossible 

Trauma like a thief steals the peace away,

I just need someone to be understanding 

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall

Just because I am non-verbal, it doesn't mean that I can't write or don't have the power to write,

The silence speaks, a different tongue,

My voice may fail, my words unsaid,

But in my hand, there's a pen. 

The pen, a wand, a magic key,

Unlocking thoughts you'll soon see. 

My lips may stay in quiet rest,

But in this script, my soul's expressed. 

Don't judge me by my silence, 

For in these lines, a world takes flight,

A universe ignited, burning bright. 

Though non-verbal, my spirit's free,

To paint with words for all to see. 

My silent strength, a potential force,

A written legacy, richer than gold for a non-verbal person to speak.

So hear me now, through ink and the page,

My voiceless voice, a vibrant stage. 

The power's mine, the words are true,

Just because I'm non-verbal, doesn't mean I can't write

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall 

The pain to my soul,

is ripped out of my chest,   

a gaping wound,   

an echoing void that swallows light,   

where once there was warmth,   

now lingers only frost,

I wander through,

each step so heavy,

Feeling like I'm making time in a world   

that feels unkind.  

I’ve dealt with so much pain,   

anxiety rises crashing against the shore of my existence,   

pulling back memories of joy,  

and leaving only trauma

My heart is forever destroyed,   

It feels like I don't have a heart,

I am muted,   

each color faded,   

like forgotten paintings left 

In the silence that destroys me,   

I really don't know what it means to feel kindness,

to feel as if I’m breathing   

but I don't feel alive,   

It’s said that time heals,   

but I question whether I have a soul

I do not have a heart,   

it’s broken;   

or perhaps it’s a collection   

of pieces, 

each one a scar, 

to battles fought in the dark,   

to the relentless storms   

that threatened to unravel me.   

I gather these shards,   

fingers trembling,   

and marvel at their edges,   

the way they catch the light,   

the way they tell stories   

not of defeat,   

but of resilience,   

of standing tall against the unknown world   

Yet, there are days,   

days when depression hits me like a knife,

and I feel the weight of everything,  

pulling me beneath the surface,  

And so, I see my broken pieces,   

with pride and with sorrow,   

and I walk forward,   

even as I stumble,   

even as I fall,   

for in the pain lies a strength,   

an understanding,   

that through the darkest nights,   

the dawn will always come.   

And though the scars may remain,   

they shape who I am,   

they whisper of battles,   

and of victories yet to be won.   

I find in each step,   

a rhythm that beats steadily,   

reminding me,   

that though the pain to my soul   

may never fully fade

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall

I'm in pain, but I need to pretend that I'm okay. Each passing day, I have to hide the sadness and pain I feel. I can't show others the weight I'm carrying because I know there are people counting on me. So even when it's hard, I force myself to keep going. Behind every smile is a heart trying to heal, and behind every laugh is a soul fighting to stay strong.

In the quiet corners of my mind,   

where thoughts echo like distant thunder,   

I find myself wandering through the mist,   

in a world muffled by shadows,   

where light flickers,   

and warmth feels like a distant memory.   

Struggling with depression,    

Feeling down and unmotivated,   

I'm weighed down by heavy chains,   

I drift through a maze of reflection,   

where memories are nightmares,

whispering reminders of the worst case scenario,   

and I stand paralyzed,   

lost, in this endless dark  

The paths twist and turn,   

leading me nowhere,   

to dead ends   

Time flows unevenly here,   

an hour may stretch to eternity,   

while days dissolve into a maze,   

and I stumble,   

conscious of the weight of my heart—   

it sinks deep,   

an anchor in a sea of thoughts,   

each wave a moment of stillness   

wrapping around me,

But then, 

courage flickers into view— 

a gentle nudge against the icy fingers   

clenching my throat.   

It whispers softly,   

reminding me that even the strongest winds   

must eventually yield to the calm,   

that storms cannot claim the sky forever, 

I breathe in the heaviness,   

Feeling down and unmotivated with no energy,

feeling suicidal, wanting to die,   

thoughts wrapping like vines around my soul,   

threatening to pull me under,   

to erase the light.   

But in these moments, I remind myself   

that this is but a chapter,   

not the entire story of my life—   

that every story has twists and turns,   

filled with pain.

This chapter may be dark,   

but I am also the flame,   

the flicker of brightness waiting to unearth   

what lies hidden in the darkness. 

Each new dawn stretches before me,   

a canvas of possibilities,

There are days, yes,   

when the struggle feels impossible,   

where my thoughts are

digging their claws into my mind

but I lean in towards that whisper—   

that tiny flame flickering against the wind,   

the courage to stand against the storm,   

where I breathe through the darkness,   

one moment at a time, one day at a time

gathering pieces of my cracked broken heart

and in this way, I learn to stitch my wounds,   

to weave my experiences   

into a new kind of strength.   

And when I stumble again,

I will remember this:

though pain may carve me deeply,   

it also opens doorways to a beautiful expansion.   

For in every night that feels endless,   

there lies a dawn waiting to reclaim its full bloom.   

And I am here,   

a witness to both shadow and light,   

finding my way through the maze,   

embracing the journey,   

each heartbeat a step toward healing—   

where courage is not a battle,

but a loving whisper,   

reminding me 

I am here,   

and I am alive

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall 

Struggling with depression, 

I find myself wandering,   

Feeling down and unmotivated, 

lost in a maze of reflection,   

where a heavy heart sinks deep in silence with no energy 

Courage is a quiet whisper,   

a reminder that even the strongest winds   

must eventually yield to the calm,   

that storms cannot claim the sky forever.

I breathe in the heaviness,   

Feeling suicidal, wanting to die but

reminding myself that this is but a chapter,   

not the entire story of my life.   

I still see a spark of a warrior within,   

who carries on, who perseveres,   

clutching dreams painted in vibrant strokes,   

The path may be tangled but,

each step an effort, each breath a climb,   

but there in the distance rises a sun, again and again,   

knowing the skies will clear,   

knowing that among the clouds,   

the sun still waits.   

So here I stand, with bruises and scars, 

knowing that within me lies the power,   

the unwavering support to fight,   

this is not the end, but a new beginning,   

an awakening into the ever-expanding possibility

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall

A life of a lost voice,

In the silence of my mind 

Echoes a voice that cannot find 

Its way out into the world 

Lost in the shadows, curled 

Within the depths of my being 

A nonverbal truth

Unable to speak, to utter a sound 

I am lost in a world

Where words fail me, refuse to come 

And I am left feeling numb 

A prisoner of my own mind 

A voiceless soul, 

I watch as others effortlessly converse 

While I am trapped in this silent curse 

Selectively mute, unable to share 

The thoughts and feelings I hold dear 

My voice silenced by fear and doubt 

Struggling to find my way out 

I long to speak, to be heard 

But my voice remains unheard 

Lost in the world,

I am a whisper among the joys 

Of those who can freely express 

Their thoughts and emotions, 

But I am held back by invisible chains 

Bound by my own fears, my doubts, my pains  

Trapped in a silence unkind 

I am a lost voice in a world of noise 

A silent person, 

Struggling to find my way out 

To break free from this silent voice

To find the courage to speak my mind 

To let my voice finally unwind 

But until then, I remain 

A lost voice in a world insane 

A silent soul searching for a way 

To finally have my say 

To break free from this silent prison 

And let my voice finally, truly listen.

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall 

Trauma, a heavy burden on my soul, 

It creeps up on me when I least expect 

Leaving me feeling out of control 

In its suffocating grip, I'm trapped. 

Memories of pain, etched deep within 

Haunting me with every passing day 

A constant battle I cannot win 

As I try to keep the darkness at bay. 

The scars on my heart, forever there 

A reminder of the battles fought 

But through the pain, I find a way to bear 

And slowly, I learn to heal the hurt. 

Trauma may try to break me down 

But I am stronger than I know 

With each passing day, I wear my crown 

For I am a survivor, I will show. 

So I'll continue to fight, to stand tall 

For trauma may have touched me deep 

But I refuse to let it be my downfall 

I'll rise above, and my scars I'll keep.

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall 

In the depths of my mind, a storm rages on 

A whirlwind of thoughts, a never-ending con 

Anxiety grips me tight, won't let me be 

Depression clouds my vision, I struggle to see 

Each day is a battle, a fight to survive 

Inside my head, chaos thrives 

I put on a smile, pretend I'm okay 

But inside, I'm crumbling, day by day 

The weight on my chest, it never lifts 

My mind plays tricks, it never shifts 

I'm trapped in a cycle, a never-ending maze 

Lost in the darkness, stuck in a daze 

But I hold on, I cling to hope 

I know deep down, I can cope 

I'll fight this demon, with all my might 

I'll conquer my mind, I'll win this fight 

For mental illness may be a part of me 

But it does not define who I'll be 

I'll rise above, I'll break free 

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall 

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder  

is like walking on a tightrope  

between joy and despair  

one moment I feel on top of the world  

the next, I'm drowning in darkness  

My emotions are a rollercoaster  

that never seems to slow down  

I feel everything intensely  

love, anger, sadness, fear  

It's hard for me to regulate  

and express my feelings in a healthy way  

I lash out, withdraw, or shut down  

pushing away those closest to me  

I struggle to find stability  

in a world that feels so chaotic  

my mind is a battleground  

between logic and irrationality  

But I have hope  

that I can learn to navigate  

the stormy waters of my mind  

- Natalie Flaherty-Verrall